"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 3: 12 -14I was thinking today about how when I feel I have it all together, God really brings me to my knees. I would like to share with you something God has shown me in just the past two weeks.
Travis and I had so many dreams after we first were married - Build our dream home, start a family, begin a business from scratch. I personally wanted to climb the success ladder in my job. All were good and worthy goals. However, I think there began a seed of pride in my heart when I thought we had it all together in our lives and we knew where we were going. God has shown me - when we get too focused on our goals and control in our lives and lose sight of what God wants for us, He will often get our attention very quickly. We knew God was calling us to missions but it took so much to drag what we were holding onto from our clenched fists. Looking back to those first few months of our marriage and all the times we planned and dreamed, I never thought our future would be where we are today. I still hear the plans we made. . .
Build our dream home . . .Presently we are "homeless", so to speak, and will be living with a Costa Rican family for the next eight months. Unless God changes the path He has us on, we will have no home that we will own for at least the next three years.
Begin a family . . .It just so happens that the job we chose specifically requests couples with no children simply because of the nature of the job and the amount of travel required. We intend, to the best of our ability, to follow the guidelines of our position laid out by the IMB until we are told otherwise. Yet, we still know God knows the future, not us.
Succeed in the business world . . .God took my job from me and landed me among a people to whom, in my line of work, titles and degrees mean little to nothing. It is likely that no one will have heard of the college my degree is from or who my parents are or how many customer's Travis helped in his heating and air work.
Yet, still it seems that my selfish heart will never change. I have clung on to my hopes and my dreams and what I want. Still I have been . . . forever planning, forever dreaming, forever grasping for that tiniest bit of control that I have. Even when I came to FPO, I told God that He could have my life but that I was going to do everything possible to bring as much of myself with me as I could. It seems kind of silly, but I had even measured out the amount of suitcases we would bring with us on the field. I estimated between 6 and 8 for both Travis and I. (That may seem outrageous to some but I brought one whole suitcase with me to FPO filled with hair appliances and makeup. )
I had my plans again but, truly, God has shown me who is in control. After we had been here for about two or three weeks, we were told that there was a luggage embargo with the airlines and we were only allowed two suitcases per person. We could not even pay an additional fee to bring extra bags. We were also told that there was no way to mail anything to Costa Rica or Mexico City so anything we wanted must be brought with us. I was devastated. How in the world was I going to get everything that I "needed" into two suitcases for the next two years?
I whined and I complained for a few days - I even believe I cried at some point and told Travis that I had given up everything and that the least God allow me was a couple of comforts from home to make my stay in Mexico more enjoyable! But then, God spoke to my heart through something said in one of our sessions about the persecuted church. It was in such a strong way that brought me to my knees. He reminded me of what Jesus said when He told the disciples to leave everything they have and follow Him. He even told a man he could not stay to bury his own father but must come immediately with just the clothes he was wearing. It was if He was saying to me,
"You say you have given it all to follow me but have you really? If you are going to give it, Danielle, then I want it all. Ever bit of it. Even your luggage." My selfishness was stripped and at that point I laid it all down. I told the Lord He could have my home, my job, my "mommyhood", and even my luggage. All I want is to follow Him.
Well, suffice it to say, that after my encounter with the Lord, I dug myself out of my pit of pity and decided to praise God for the two suitcases He was allowing me to bring.
It was about a week later that we discovered that there was no embargo and we are allowed to purchase more suitcases if we would like.
I have to keep reminding my prideful heart that . . .
I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it yet . . . But I press on . . . .Please pray that Travis and I will never have pride about the work that God has called us to do but that with humble hearts we will seek his will for our lives and surrender each day to his soverign plan regarless of our own desires and ambitions.
I believe I might take just my two suitcases . . . .